What do you desire?

This song is awesome, I'm addicted. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56HR7RhzZE4&feature=related Pay close attention to the lyrics.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, ok, well, maybe that’s nothing new. I’ve always thought a lot.

Gui and I have come to the conclusion that he’s not ready to apply for a Masters program in the States yet. Instead we’ll be starting the Masters at his current university- USP. Not a bad alternative as it’s one of the best schools in the country, not to mention tuition is free. And still, we have feelings of reservation about this decision. We both already had this idea that we would be moving soon, we could already begin to visualize a different life on the horizon, it felt close. Now we have to realize that in fact, we will be staying. Perhaps only through next year, perhaps longer.

I was sad about it when I first began to let it sink in. I’ll be honest, I had my heart set on moving, starting new adventures. I’ve always moved. Moving is the only real constant in my life. I’ve gotten older, learned more, but always moved. The idea of remaining is foreign, and seems like the opposite of progress. I know that’s not true, but that’s how it feels.

There’s that , and the fact that I was and am anxious to leave behind what my Brazilian friends call “realidade brasileira” the Brazilian reality of injustice, crime, insecurity, pollution, poverty, chaos, inconvenience, lack of structure, the general unpleasantness that begets anyone who would choose to live here outside of the vaulted gates of the rich, and even they never fully escape the realidade.

I could pretend that living with the troubles of Brazilian life is just fine, but I would be lying to you and to myself. Rather, as someone who came from a very different country, I naturally have a lot higher expectations for my standards of comfort, security and convenience. But more and more I think that living here is good for me for the very reason that I have been stripped of so many preconceived notions of what I’m entitled to. Do I complain about the way things are? Yes. Do I often wish I could leave? Yes. But maybe for this very reason, I must stay.

If we could leave now, we would be running away. Things are bad in Brazil, but they are even worse in so much of the world. I grew up in the richest country on earth in one of its most peaceful moments. So many people did not have that, but because I did, I can’t help comparing. Brazilians also compare, even if they have never traveled outside of Brazil, so many are bitter and complain of the problems here and how much better life is elsewhere. Many leave and never return. And you would think- who can blame them?

This I had to get off my chest, regrets about staying. But as I alluded to earlier, maybe I need to stay.

So let me begin again, this time from a different angle.

What do you desire out of life? Really desire?

I was reading a poem with my classes this week as part of a lesson with the movie The Dead Poets Society. It’s a poem by Thoreau.

I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately,

I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life,

To put to rout all that was not life,

And not, when I came to die,

Discover that I had not lived.

I agree with him that life is not to be wasted, but fully lived, and I have often longed to escape to some secluded place to life it out. I’ve dreamed of having a little farm somewhere, maybe in New Zealand, where nature still seems more pure. I’ve thought of how nice it would be to hole off in some secret corner of the world, just me and the people I loved most working to provide for our own needs without the hassle of being part of the greater problems of mankind. But escape is not the answer. Hiding yourself away, no matter how much you disapprove of things the way they are is not what we have been called to.

How many times have you been to a funeral, and everyone consoles each another with that worn out phrase, “He’s in a better place now”? That’s such a comfort to think that the person is somewhere better, somewhere happier, more comfortable. But was that the point? To arrive somewhere nice? My problem is this- where does God factor in to such a conception of life and death. Is God reduced to a mere caretaker of souls? Heaven just an eternal retirement home? For some, that’s all they really wanted.

I was listening to part of a sermon by John Piper in which he asks a very poignant question-“ Would you be satisfied to arrive in heaven, have everything you dislike about yourself fixed, have all your family there and have infinite resources?” Hmm, sounds a bit like my New Zealand farm. :P Then he goes on to the kicker, “Would you be satisfied, if God were not there?” Think about it, is your desire for the good things God has made greater than your desire for God himself?

I was reading this morning in Psalm 16, it says in verse 2, “I said to the Lord, ‘You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.’” Man, I don’t think I have arrived here yet. But I think of how frustrated I have been with living in Brazil, and how my frustrations are rooted in my desire for good things. Do I love those good things so much that I forget the Lord? Do I love them more than Him? I have to fall out of love with the world. Maybe, staying in Brazil, and learning not to overvalue gifts and blessings is one way that I do that.

Here I have a closeness with God I had not experienced when things were as comfortable. I have strong friendships, and a great job. These are wonderful blessings. I must praise God for them, and not be so caught up in seeking other blessings I have known. He knows what we need much better than we do. We have to put Him first. We have to stop chasing after our life here. After all, Jesus said that whoever wants to save his life will lose it. I can’t chase after my earthly life. In one of my favorite verses, he also says that where our treasure is, there will our heart be also. Where is your treasure?

Back to my example of the funeral. Something has been dawning on me as I begin to take up the discipline of studying God’s word. Many people find comfort in the fact that their loved one has gone to a happy place. This is telling about what they desire for themselves. When I was a kid, I remember asking my parents if heaven would be boring. My conception of heaven was a comfortable place in the clouds forever playing a harp and flying around. “That’s gonna get old pretty fast!,” I thought. But Jesus taught something different. Heaven is perhaps as best we can conceive of it, not a place, but a state of being. For Jesus said that eternity is to know God! So even as we get to know Him now, eternity can begin today. We can start this relationship now, start to treasure Him above all things now.

As John Piper concluded, “Heaven will be filled with people who LOVE GOD!” Not with those who love comfort, or love happiness, or even love their family. For these are good things, but they are nothing in comparison with the one who has made them all.

So let me be dissatisfied with the trifles I endure here. Let me slowly cease to desire what does not fully satisfy. I hope that more and more this verse is true for you and me.

Psalm 73:25-26

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.